The diamond is associated with wealth, prosperity, social status, and, today, as the ultimate symbol of enduring love and commitment. According to the Gemological Institute of America, diamonds are graded by four characteristics: cut, carat (weight), clarity, and color. All four of these properties determine how much a diamond is worth.
- Cut – Simply stated when cut properly, the diamond will sparkle more. Cut also refers to the shape.
- Carat – How big is the diamond? Larger diamonds often cost more per carat due to their size.
- Clarity – How clear is the stone? Clarity ranges from flawless (perfect) to I (included).
- Color: Diamond colors generally range from D – X for white and yellow diamonds. D is the whitest. Around S they become “Fancy” yellow Diamonds.
As a credentialed marriage professional I have developed my own 4C grading system. I evaluate marriages on their levels of commitment, ability to communicate, tolerance for compromise and their capacity for compassion. So how would your marriage measure up to these standards? What is the quality of your marriage?
- Commitment – The process of commitment goes like this: commitment is initially declared “I want to marry you,” then promised, “I promise to stay married to you till death do us part,” and finally put into practice through daily words, deeds and choices. Too many people believe that after they have taken the necessary steps to secure a marriage commitment, they can relax in the comfort that their work is done. Unfortunately, when problems occur and the intensity of commitment is tested the promises are questioned, broken, and eventually taken back— “I want a divorce.” Therefore, I measure the quality or “carat weight” of the commitment by the shared objective and responsibility between spouses daily {through the good, the bad and the ugly} to assist and invest in their own as well as their partner’s personal growth, development, and happiness. You see it does not count to only be committed to the relationship when things are going well or your way. Commitment is often tested, and the strength of the promise is revealed by the outcome of that test.
- Communication – Countless books have been written for and about quality couple communication. For brevity’s sake communication involves using the power of language to speak and listen with the full intent and desire to understand and be understood. In the initial stages of the relationship communication seems “flawless” yet with time, neglect and misunderstandings; what was once quite clear becomes “clouded.” Quality communication takes practice and determination; its results are priceless.
- Compromise – Although it occurs in the daily lives of all couples, it is one of the most difficult tasks to master, as well as one of the biggest determinants of a quality marriage. Compromise is multifaceted. It involves allowing for things to get in the way of your ideal daily life for the sake of your relationship. From the color of the curtains to the how many children you are going to have. Each person has their own ideas of their perfect scenario. The sparkle and brilliance in your marriage will be felt as everyone consciously focuses on compromise as the ultimate outcome of most scenarios. Remember every time the individual wins the couple loses, however, every time the couple comes up with a compromise the marriage wins.
- Compassion– A deep awareness of and sympathy for, another’s suffering. Your spouse will fall short of your expectations, may break their promises, and may sometimes make, what seem to be, unforgivable mistakes. Once your spouse, the person who has wronged you apologizes, attempts to make amends and is contrite in doing so, the practice of your promise of commitment will be demonstrated in your ability to forgive them. Compassion occurs as a road to forgiveness.During this search each will need a great deal of empathy for the other’s suffering, whether you were the victim or the perpetrator of the wrong. When compassion is strong, you find yourself naturally desiring what is best for the other person, wanting at least to understand their suffering and ultimately desiring to alleviate it. This does not mean that in an abusive or addictive relationship that one feels that he or she must hold on to the other at any cost. Compassion is a healthy form of empathy not an excuse for codependency.
The qualities of healthy marriages as with diamonds are not always visible upon first discovery. In fact, a diamond is intially found as a rough stone that requires specialized knowledge, tools, equipment, and techniques to reveal its brilliance as a gem. If your marriage needs some polishing be sure to call Alina Gastesi-de Armas, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, at A Place for Growth, 954-384-9373, or visit her website www.APlaceforGrowth.com.
